Kimeru
by Djinn
Summary: [Shounen ai - m/m warning Yamato x Jyou] An ongoing somewhat trilogy, taking place several years in the future. When a colleague at work makes him a proposition, Jyou considers his relationship with both that colleague and Yamato, eventually choosing the
1. Choice

Kimeru is actually somewhat a trilogy, and ongoing at that. Thanks to the wonders of the pocket computer. Unfortunately, it's not the only ongoing fic, and, trust me on this, the hardest to write of the lot. The fic takes place several years in the future, they're already working. The S02 people are disregarded, seeing as it's not about to hit Singapore any time soon. Omoto Shuuichi is an original character, and I hate those. His presence, however, is minimal, and he's more a plot device than anything else. And he won't even be that for much longer. The *few lines of poetry* come from a poem called 'Memorabilia'.

# 

# Kimeru

[Choice]

By Djinn

_Omoto Shuuichi made me a proposition today. "Kido-kun," he said…he doesn't even call me Jyou…"Kido-kun, I know this sounds strange…but I've been planning to ask you for a long time…can we…would you…go out with me?"_ __

_Omoto Shuuichi, with his perfect record, his spotless reputation. Omoto-sensei, only the youngest doctor in the TGH to have become a certified visit. Omoto-sensei, with his charismatic demeanour – always kind to patients – always kind to animals, for god's sake. Omoto-sensei asked__ me. Kido Jyou. Intern. Rookie. Barely a med-school grad. Omoto-sensei asked me to go out with him. I've only spoken to him twice._

_"Jyou-chan," Okaa-san would have said…or maybe she wouldn't…Omoto-sensei is a man, after all…Okaa-san would have said, "this Shuuichi would be good for you. You need someone reliable, don't you? Okaa-san can't be with you forever. You need a steady partner. Shuuichi-kun, he's dependable, isn't he?"_

_Hai, Okaa-san. Omoto-sensei is dependable as a rock. Omoto-sensei is almost as dependable as me. Omoto-sensei would be good for me. God knows I need a constant in my life. Omoto-sensei would be perfect. The strong, steady husband, and I his quiet little almost-wife._

_It would be perfect, really. Omoto-sensei is__ perfect, after all._

_Only…only there's that little problem with the love. Or the lack thereof, in this case._

_Even that shouldn't be a problem actually, the lack thereof. I could grow to love him, I know. Good old Jyou. You can always depend on him. I suspect I'm one of the few that can__ actually love to order._

_Except…except I can't. Not when…_

_Taichi-kun, where are you now? Brazil, is it? I recall you said something about a J-League arrangement there. Or was that last month? Sora-kun, what about you? Oh right, still in England, aren't you? Just a couple of years before you finish that degree. Ganbatte, ne? Koushiro-kun, I hope Silicon Valley is to your taste…of course it would be, wouldn't it? Maybe you'll run into Mimi-kun sometime. Though Saks Fifth Avenue is infinitely more her style. Takeru-kun, Kari-kun, is Australia as exciting as you thought it would be? Study hard._

_Where are we all?_

_…And where are you now, my proud, stubborn Yama-kun? Of course I know. Makuhari this forthnight, isn't it. I have your schedule memorised, all of it. It's beside my bed, where you will be tonight. Everywhere, with your job, your rock-star status. Everyone's…just…not mine._

_Goma would have told me to forget about you. "Forget about it, Jyou. It's behind you now. The future's a lot brighter than the past."_

_But you're not just my past, I'm afraid. You're not even just my history. You're practically my raison d'etre, pardon my saying so, and that's just a little bit harder to write off._

_Quiet, reliable Kido Jyou. Graduated from med school with honours…did you know that, Yama-kun? Did I tell you? Superb bedside manner, haven't yet made a serious medical mistake. Well-liked by colleagues and patients alike…that sounds strange, doesn't it? I'm practically following in Omoto-sensei's footsteps, come to think of it. I might as well follow his footsteps home._

_…He set the date for Friday night. I told him I'd think about it._

_Friday night…that's when you return to Tokyo._

_…I still remember the last time you came back. It was wonderful, just to be with you again. But it shocked me nonetheless. Yama-kun…Yama-kun…are you still alive? The spark in your eyes, it's gone. You know that, don't you? You know that._

_"Drink, certainly," I'd thought to myself, even though I'd been ashamed to do so, "Drugs, is it? Yama-kun, what have you done to yourself?" What have you done to yourself? Or is it your rockstar life? What are they doing to you? The whole time I was with you…did you even really notice I was there?_

_…I'd have thought not…except…except you'd suddenly…suddenly hugged me. As you were leaving again. In the airport. In front of everyone. Your crew, your manager, your band…even the few fangirls who'd fought their way in. You'd hugged me._

_"Take care of yourself," you whispered – I think they were the first real words you'd said to me, "I'll be back."_

_And then you were gone._

_…I hate to confess, but my immediate thought was "What's the matter? Had an argument with your Taichi-kun?" It was bitter. I'm sorry. You'd always preferred Taichi's company to mine...but then, it seems you'd always preferred anyone else's company to mine._

_What does Taichi have that I don't?!_

_...How stupid can a question be? Looks. Wrong, Kido-san. Charisma. Wrong, Kido-san. Well, what then? The answer, Kido-san, is everything._

_And Yamato._

_Well then, licked before I've even begun, aren't I?_

_...There's no need for me to go, is there? Would you notice whether or not I was at the arrival hall, standing there, nervous, looking like a scared fangirl? Would you care? I know Omoto-sensei would. Would you?_

_...Would you?_

_Omoto-sensei...so bright a future. Perfect, dependable...there's a strange kind of happiness that comes from routine, from stability._

_And yet..._

_*A handsbreath of it shines alone*_

_...Every time I look back, it's darkness. Fear, pain, control...except for that one summer..._

_*Mid the blank miles round about*_

_...The happiest summer I ever had...and you_

_I see your face, like it was back then...we aren't really so different from the way we were. I'm still scared...you're still running away. Like a flickering candle flame, I see your face...and I can't look away..._

_The future, or the past? It's not supposed to be...a difficult...choice..._

* * * * * * *

He stood there, in the middle of the arrival hall, nervous, looking like a lost fangirl.

He'd apologised. Omoto-sensei said he understood.

Omoto Shuuichi would get to know a nice girl. Omoto Shuuchi would marry that nice girl. Omoto Shuuchi didn't need him.

Someone else did.

Ishida-san's private plane had landed, he knew. A counter assistant had come up to him - after he'd show his authorisation, of course - muttered the update briefly before disappearing again. He didn't say when Ishida-san himself would arrive.

That was okay. He could wait. For Yamato, he could wait forever.

Then he was there.

The sight of him, handsome and golden, took his breath away. But the blue eyes were empty, even as he made his way over to where he stood, there was barely a flicker of recognition, his face impassive.

He felt his heart break. He couldn't be sure.

"Yamato-kun," he greeted, going forward to take one of his bags with a strained smile, "It's so good to see you again. It's been so long..."

He knew he was babbling. He didn't care.

"...Let's go to the cafeteria upstairs for a drink, shall we? Their milkshakes are particularly good..."

He didn't stop talking, as Yamato let himself be guided onto the escalator, led into the small cafe. Anything, to break the silence. Even if he seemed a bit of an idiot. The silence...was too much to bear.

"I'll go order, shall I?" he found himself asking, "Strawberry milkshake?"

"No. Chocolate." Was the stoic reply.

"Hai." He retreated to the counter uncertainly.

When he returned, Yamato hadn't moved an inch. Pretending not to notice, he laid the tray down, resuming his one-sided conversation as cheerfully as he could.

"I bought some ice-cream as well, I thought it would be nice. There'll only two flavours, though, chocolate and vanilla...Chocolate?"

"No. Vanilla."

He paused, for a brief second, accommodating the sudden terrible sinking feeling in his heart.

It wasn't enough. Nothing he could ever do could be enough.

He passed the vanilla carton, passed the chocolate milkshake, sinking into his seat silently, desolation clawing at his chest, his throat.

There was only silence.

Then, for the first time since he'd arrived, Yamato spoke unprompted.

"Do you know why I came back?"

He looked up, sudden fear in his eyes as an ominous dread rose in his heart. His voice trembled as he spoke, knowing, even as he said it, that the answer was wrong.

"Because...we're friends?"

"No. Because I love you."

** **

**END for now.**

** **

Interestingly enough, Kimeru [Choice] comes with an accompanying fanart of Jyou in the arrival hall. A class-time quickie. If you'd like to see it, you could mail me, but – hey – who am I kidding.


	2. [Interlude I]

# ***Note :** After much consideration, I decided to post the URL of the accompanying fanart to Kimeru [Choice] here instead. Don't want to clog up anyone's mailbox. ^_^; Sorry for the inconvenience caused. Refer **below** for link.

You know, I wasn't going to do this part of Kimeru. This isn't supposed to actually appear in the trilogy. You're not ever supposed to see Jyou's reaction to Yamato's…revelation. But there was a mention in reviews about it, and I sat down and thought a bit. And realised it might be a little too cruel to jump straight to Kimeru [Consequence]. Therefore, Kimeru [Interlude I] was born. It's just a short little interlude that shows _just what happened after that?!_, and not in usual Kimeru format. Hope it doesn't disappoint you too much. ^_^; I'm really grateful for the support everyone has shown in the reviews, so this is for you, people. Hope it's to your taste.

# **Kimeru**

[Interlude I]

by Djinn

# Last installment, in Kimeru…

"No. Because I love you."

There was silence. For a moment, Yamato wondered if Jyou was even breathing. Then he lowered his head, staring at the strawberry milkshake in front of him.

Yamato waited.

"Pass the salt, please."

_Huh?_

Not exactly the response he had been waiting for. Nevertheless, he passed the salt.

The blue-haired man accepted it - and promptly started adding salt to his drink. Rather alarmed, Yamato spoke up once more.

"Jyou. That's a strawberry milkshake. Salt does not go with strawberry milkshake."

The saltshaker stopped mid-motion.

"Oh. Sorry."

There was more silence. The saltshaker didn't move.

Yamato wasn't just alarmed now.

"Jyou? Did you hear what I said?"

Rather unexpectedly, the grip on the saltshaker loosened. The saltshaker itself plopped right into the milkshake, sinking like a rock. In a sudden burst of anger, Jyou sprang up, sending his chair flying to the ground.

"If you love me, why didn't you ever tell me before?! Why did you treat me as if I didn't exist?! WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME NOW?!"

Guilt, like a cold stone cross, hit him square in the chest. Yamato slumped in his chair, defeated. It was over, then. He'd killed their love before it even had a chance to begin.

"I wanted to. Many times." He whispered, voice flat as a dead man's, echoing a desolation from beyond the grave. "Every time I came back, I wanted to. I wanted to hold you, to talk to you, to let you know how much you meant to me. But I never dared. I never dared."

He closed his eyes, sinking deeper with every passing second of silence into a whirlpool of despair.

"What if you didn't feel the same way? What if you never wanted to see me again? The thought scared me so much, I didn't dare to speak. I was so afraid I'd drive you away if I said anything wrong. Anything at all. But you were always so caring, so beautiful…you were always so _there_…I'm a rockstar."

A wry grin tugged at the corners of his mouth.

"Sometimes I think that's the loneliest job in the world. Everybody wants you. Nobody loves you. Except…I thought maybe you did. I guess I was wrong."

He swallowed, forcing the hurt that arose from the sentence down.

"…I was afraid you wouldn't show up today. I know I've let you down, too many times. Maybe that one last time was one more time too many. But when I saw you…standing there…when you came to me, nervous and worried, but still trying so hard, so sweet…I thought…I thought maybe…maybe I could tell you now. Maybe…"

His voice trailed off from the light hope that had entered it, descending back into darkness.

"I suppose some things just aren't meant to be. I'm sorry. You can hit me if it'll make you feel better."

He squeezed his eyes shut, bracing himself for the blow.

It never came.

_…Did he leave?_

He raised his head – just in time to see the first two tears fall onto the table, narrowly missing the already much-abused milkshake. He looked up in a hurry, to witness the charming sight of Jyou trying not to cry.

"…Jyou?"

"Yama-kun wa baka desu…" The words were broken, then repeated with an insistent intensity. "Yama-kun wa BAKA desu!"

The hands flew away from his face, bright eyes flashing with anger and something else he couldn't make out stared at him accusingly.

"Ai…shiteru…ai shiteru…AI SHITERU!"

To Yamato, it was as if an angel had descended from the skies.

In one fluid motion, he stood up, reached across the table – incidentally upsetting both the milkshakes – grabbed the other man's collar, and pulled him close.

Then, in front of all the people in the cafeteria, in front of everyone, he kissed him.

…And, really, that was all that was needed to be done.

**END for now.**

Hope that wasn't too bad. -_-; I'm really sorry if it wasn't good enough. Really really sorry. Oh, and please **do not** trust the Japanese sentences up there. I don't speak Japanese, just dabble in it when the occasional arises. If you happen to know I'm wrong, please correct me. Thank you! Sorry for the inconvenience!

Now, about that fanart…

[http://www.stas.net/3/jemx/djdigikimeru1.jpg][1]

…should take you there, if ff.net actually supports such linking, that is. _ It was just a doodle I did in class, just thought it would be cute, that's all. I'm terrible at profiles. It's Jyou waiting in the arrival hall. The background was [badly] done in Photoshop…you should have seen me trying to doodle something that looked like a plane [I don't really know what a plane looks like, technically…] in the window. I'm not too good with CGing either… Oh well. *sighs* If, for any reason, you can't see it and actually want to, I'm quite happy to mail it to you.

   [1]: http://www.stas.net/3/jemx/djdigikimeru1.jpg



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